Writing doesn't have to be a solitary act
And why finding your writing community matters
My sister and I like to say that the island we grew up on is a social experiment. With its constant, near-daily blackouts, a high school (mine) whose classrooms were once mostly made of cargo containers, and where the only bookstore is an evangelical store that only sells books centered on family themes and religious indoctrination.
Growing up there, for someone as introverted and creative as myself, was hard to say the least. For all the years that I lived there, I felt that I stuck out like a sore thumb, and not in a good way. I was different — I could feel it and others could see it. I wasn’t into the music the general population was into. I didn’t enjoy the annual carnival celebrations of dancing in the streets at three in the morning. I wasn’t into clubbing. I like the beach in moderation (though I sure as hell miss it today on this 25°F winter morning).
Books were hard to come by. Our superstores would usually carry the most popular and hyped mass-market paperbacks, but it was hard to venture into other genres because of that — to discover a Mona Awad or even to pick up an old but still-popular copy of something like Interview with the Vampire. If I wanted to read an unpopular book, I’d have to check our local, small library, which usually didn’t carry it, and if it did, it would be partially damaged or stink of mildew (after many encounters with tropical storms and hurricanes). Otherwise, I was left to have to order it from overseas, paying an additional $20 just in shipping charges.
It was hard out there for a neurodivergent, nerdy kid, lemme tell you.
I never felt that I fit in. And it led me to believe that something was inherently and genetically wrong with me. I was a fluke in the system that created life on Earth. And when you live so long in a mental isolation created by nothing else but the circumstances of life, you end up believing that you’re an anomaly.
So you end up trying to assimilate. You laugh louder than you should at something that you didn’t even find funny. You sign up for events that you have no interest in, thinking if you go often enough you may end up liking it. Then you go home at the end of the day and cry because you couldn’t make it work. You end up slowly isolating yourself, turning down invitations to everything, avoiding people, because masking is draining you, and it feels better to be alone than to keep trying to pretend that if you try hard enough, one day you’ll be just like everyone else.
I can confirm now, that approach doesn’t work. There’s a reason studies show that loneliness deteriorates people’s health in much the same way that smoking fifteen cigarettes a day would. Isolation brings on depression. Negative thoughts become reinforced in a way that is really difficult to shift from later on (hello, three years of therapy!).
One of the many ways my isolation affected me was by diminishing my self-confidence. When my self-confidence went out the door, with it went my enthusiasm for creativity and my belief that I could ever be a writer.
I dillydallied with my writing. Mostly, I kept writing fan fiction because that’s the one place where I found people I could connect with. But as for my own personal writing, I had a lack of discipline towards it would’ve made anyone think I wasn’t serious about writing. I would write a few original pieces but nothing would come of it. I would drop attempt at novels like they were nothing, choosing to fuss over editing issues even while I was still working on a first draft.
Fast forward a few years. I leave the island. Get myself to therapy. Begin to open up to people. Begin to find groups where people share the same interests as myself. Suddenly, I’m meeting interesting people from all walks of life. But not just meeting people — I’m making friends.
Since 2019, my life has gone down a completely different path from the one I was on for many years. And while therapy has helped immensely, I would be lying if I said that leaving the island wasn’t part of that.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my little rock in the middle of the ocean. But it was not the place where someone like me could thrive. It was ten thousand times more difficult for me to make friends there where I was always the odd one out than it is here where it’s so much easier to connect to people who have similar interests and whose minds resemble mine.
And with regard to my creativity, my writing, my progress in becoming a novelist, that has made all the difference.
I could sit here and list off all the many ways in which building a writing community benefits us, but in all honesty, you can google that and find a plethora of well-researched and detailed articles that will all say the same things. The only one that I’m interested in bringing up here is the one where we find people with mutual interests and thus mutual enthusiasm.
Earlier this year, my friend
, who’s been my writing accountability partner in the past, mentioned her goal of waking up early on Sunday mornings to get some writing done. This, in turn, inspired me to want to do the same. Since the beginning of the new year, we text each other early Sunday morning and get ready for a remote writing session where we both work on our stories and a couple of hours later we check in to see how we did.When I saw that waking up early one day a week didn’t kill me, I started doing it on more days of the week. This month alone, I’ve written just under ten thousand words — which is so much more than I wrote in the last quarter of 2024.
I may not have finished a novel yet or even possess a usable draft currently, but in 2025, I’m so much closer to doing so than I ever have. Much closer than I ever was back on the island when most of what I was still writing was fan fiction.
Since moving here and meeting people who love writing as much as I do, people who love being creative, and who have dreams similar to my own, I’ve made so much more progress than I did when I was just on my own, trying to push myself forward. Back then I lacked the mutual enthusiasm that being among other creatives can bring — people who believe that we can all achieve our dreams, who keep cheering you on, who are there to provide a sounding board, who can give useful feedback, and most of all, who can so easily relate to your experiences as a creative.
They say writing is a solitary act, and for a lot of it, yes, it is. But there are so many parts of it that don’t have to be. As someone who’s experienced both sides of it — the solitary side and the community side — I cannot emphasize enough how important finding a community of fellow writers/creatives is. How beneficial it is to find an accountability partner. I would not be anywhere near where I am with my novels, on my journey to becoming a published author, if it weren’t for the support of all the wonderful other writers I’ve met in the last five years.
I hope that you’ve found your community as well. I hope that you find those people who will support you through thick and thin, who’ll light up as bright as you do when you talk about your stories.
This month on the blog
The Importance of Using Specificity and Concrete Language
Specificity and concrete language are not only how we define our voice, but it’s how we tap into that magical space that causes readers to resonate with our stories. Check out this post to learn why it’s important and how you can improve this area of your writing!
What is Second-Person Point-of-View and How to Write in This Voice
Second-person POV is not commonly used, but when it is, it can open up a well of rich creativity. Read this post to learn how to make the most out of writing in this voice.
New on the website
Since the ship of social media has been slowly sinking over the past few years, I’ve decided that it’s time for me to find other ways to communicate with my audience. There’s this newsletter, of course. And if you’re subscribed and have been following along as I drop into your inbox once a month to let you know what’s up, then you have my infinite gratitude.
Along with the newsletter, I’ve added a page on my website called “Editor’s Desk.” This is where I’ll also be posting updates regularly about things going on with my editing business, my writing, and life in general.
So feel free to pop in and have a look whenever you’re feeling curious to see what’s up with me.
Feel free to follow me on BlueSky as well (@theintuitivedesk.bsky.social). I’m checking the vibes out there right now, seeing how I like it.
For the time being, I will still be posting on IG and Threads, though I can’t say that’s going to remain permanent. We will have to wait and see how the waters continue to fare.
What I’ve been into this month
This month my friend Brittani and I have been reading The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt for our book club! It’s been a slow start to this. Though the story seems to be going somewhere intriguing, I feel that it’s perhaps not moving as fast as it could due to an excess of detail. I may have more thoughts on this as I progress through this book.
I’ve been on a bit of a romance kick since late 2024. This year so far I’ve also read The Bride Test by Helen Hoang, who’s been one of my favorite romance authors since my sister told me to read The Kiss Quotient. Her ability to represent characters with ASD is unmatched, and her stories are always so full of heart. Along with that, I’ve also picked up Priest by Sierra Simone because I love a good blasphemous novel. This is baby’s first extra-extra spicy novel and so far it has not disappointed in content or prose!
I’m also trying to sharpen up my copyediting skills by reading The Chicago Guide to Copyediting Fiction by Amy J. Schneider. I believe when you’re an editor, you never stop learning, so here I am trying to see what tips and tricks I can learn that’ll help me edit with more precision.
The husband and I have been watching a show on Apple TV called Bad Sisters. So far it’s one of those intriguing shows where I’m left trying to put the pieces together way after we’ve finished an episode. There’s a super triggering character in this show whom I want to punch in the face whenever he’s on the scene, but that’s just a testament to the great writing and acting of the show.
I started watching the Netflix adaptation of One Hundred Years of Solitude last December, but due to the hullaballoo of the holidays, I had to pause and have since forgotten to get back to it because I have this thing where “if I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.” So I’ll have remember to finish it soon. However, that having been said, I’m in love with it and think the whole team has done a fantastic job. I was fearful that no adaptation could ever maintain the heart and the true energy of Gabriel García Márquez’ writing, but they absolutely have pulled it off.
I’m still working on finding pockets of joy — though this month that has looked like letting myself fall asleep at 9 pm instead of “trying to fit more productivity in.” Making time for friends and family has also been on this list. We played a game of Hunt-A-Killer where core memories of unified frustration were made.
I did end up making the Pan de Jamon that I spoke about in my last newsletter! Though I had a few bumps (I made it too long; the sugar-water glaze ended up crystalizing and I had to scrape it off), it ended up coming out great! Inside it’s full of ham, bacon, olives, and raisins. Flavor-wise it was on point, and I’m so glad and proud of myself for trying! This will definitely be a staple in my house now when the holidays roll around.
The year has started, and, well, if you’ve been paying attention then you know what that has looked like. I hope that wherever you are you’re working on finding pockets of joy in your own life. It’s in moments like these that we need to give up the big picture and focus more on the here and now. And like I said in my letter up there: find your people. Find your community. There’s nothing like knowing someone’s got your back to help you find your courage and your reason to keep going.
I hope your 2025 is off to a positive start despite the madness of the world. See you in February! (Can you believe February is already upon us?!)
Until next time,
Hi there, I’m Maria! I’m a freelance fiction editor assisting women writers in amplifying their voices through their writing. You can find me on Instagram @theintuitivedesk and on Pinterest. Or visit my site www. theintuitivedesk.com to find out more about editing services.
Thank you for sharing such a personal journey with us. Finding our people is healing. I've always thought that opposite of trauma/pain points is connection. I think this proves it.