Your first draft should be chaos
There's no way around it.
Once upon a time, there was nothing. Not you. Not me. Not even a thought. Not even the essence of one. Then, out of nowhere, everything we know burst into existence. Stars, comets, asteroids, planets, and everything we’ve ever known and everything we’ve still to discover in this vast and elusive universe fired off in different directions with no knowledge of where to go or what to do.
Things are not as they once were. Eventually, over millions of years, the cosmos settled into a general balance. Celestial bodies began to gravitate toward others. They began a dance that has persisted for much longer than man has been able to study it. And even as we learned more about the universe, the universe continued changing, constantly shifting. In fact, it is currently expanding, and objects are moving away from other objects, and whatever is to become of the universe in another million years, whatever we know of it today, will become history. The universe will have changed once again.
A novel is like a universe. Out of nowhere, one day, an idea falls on you with a bang. An explosion of ideas and enthusiasm course through you. You need to get to work. You need to make it real. And off you go to rearrange the ideas that your brain is generating, sometimes even faster than you can catch them.
Your attempts at putting this idea down, at this point, will seem very much like the universe at its point of conception. Wildfires racing through space and time with no set course or purpose. At which point, you might consider that this is pointless and too messy and simply not worth investing your time in.
But that is exactly what your first draft is supposed to look like: a trash dumpster fire.
Much of our inspiration, as writers, comes from the work of other writers. You cannot be a writer without being a reader first (and you can fight me on this). A love for reading must first be nurtured, and from there, the seed of wanting to replicate all those works that brought you so much joy is born.
It takes a long time to figure it out. As for myself, I started with fan fiction. I imitated my favorite writers for years before being brave enough to try something in my own voice. And then, when I did, there were many failed attempts, the imperfections of my early drafts staring back at me and bringing me shame and self-doubt. I’ve put off finishing any original fiction and publishing any works because it seemed that my drafts proved what I’d always suspected: that I was simply not good enough and my work should never see the light of day.
At least, until recently this has been the story of my creative writing life. But as of last year, I’ve decided to go as far as I possibly can with an idea that’s poked at me for the last eight years. There’s something about this story that lights a fire in me, that persists, that fuels me with good energy when I work on it, even when my writing looks back at me like a trash dumpster fire.
I wish I could pinpoint what exactly it is about this story that lights me up. I want to dissect that idea and label all its parts so that I can give you the secret here, and so that I can replicate it for future stories to come. All I can say, in the most humble and limited human terms, is that it makes me happy and makes me feel good and that against all odds I want to see how this story will look in its final polished form.
I don’t know if this is how everyone who’s ever finished and published a book has felt about their work. I don’t know if this undying enthusiasm is what also kept them going. But it’s working for me, as an author who has cringed so hard at past work that she’s never let pages and pages of work see the light of day.
This enthusiasm is helping me through that cringe. For years, I’ve known in theory that you cannot expect your early drafts to look anything like your most beloved published works, but I’m now at a place where I finally understand it.
Your first draft is trash. Should be trash. It is meant to be discarded. You will do nothing with it except pick it apart, tweak it, measure, remeasure, weigh and reweigh, contrast it, saturate it, desaturate it. To say that your first draft will be a ghost of your final one is in itself too hopeful a thing to say. Your first draft is but the ancestor who traveled by foot and gathered food in the woods, who fought against the elements with few resources, but persevered in spite of it all, giving birth to generations and generations of other kin leading up to your final draft. They will not be the same person, let alone a ghost. Completely and totally different entities.
There is so much great advice out there about working on a first draft. All of it is good. But most of all: let go of expectations. Let go of what you think it will look like/should look like. What everyone says is true: You need to just sit down and write. You need to just sit down and ask yourself, “What’s in my head right now?” and put it down. There’s no processing with the first draft. There’s no filtering. There’s absolutely no room for editing. You need to get that vision down on paper. Polishing will come later. Detailing will come later.
Like the chaos of the universe at its birth, every beginning is charged, and every beginning is scattered nonsense. And so your first draft needs to be. Accept it. Let it be messy. Let it be trash. The universe did not skip this step and neither can you.
And of course, easier said than done, but ultimately, trust. Trust your vision. Trust your writing power. You’ll get there. One day at a time. One word after another. Trust.
Editing news
Do you identify as a woman, are currently working on your manuscript, and seeking an editor to help you with issues of developmental editing and/or line editing & copyediting? If so, I’m currently open for spots starting from June 2024! Reach out to me via email or social media if this is something you’re interested in and would like to know more. Check out my website for rates and other information!
Music rec of the week
Wake up besties, my fave has a new song out!
If you don’t know about my obsession with Hozier, then you must be new here. Welcome! I hope you like hearing about Hozier because he’s literally part of my everyday vocabulary.
It’s been five years since the release of Wasteland, Baby! and to commemorate it, he’s releasing a deluxe edition that includes this never-before-released acoustic version of his song “Be.” Honestly, a song that’s not my fave on the original album, but this is just to show that nothing this man makes has the ability of being mediocre. I am in love with it. Here I go into my writing weekend with a new song to add to my WIP’s playlist.
Currently reading
I started reading One Hundred Years of Solitude many years ago but never finished it. Recently, I found a $5 copy at my local secondhand bookstore, and I’m taking it slow. Something about Márquez’s prose demands that it be digested slowly. His voice is distinct and intentional. There isn’t a single word in this narrative that wasn’t carefully chosen, you can just feel it.
Let me know in the comments if you’ve read this and what you thought of it (some of the content can be divisive), or what you’re currently reading! I’d love to know!
Hi there, I’m Maria! I’m a freelance fiction editor assisting women writers in amplifying their voices through their writing. You can find me on Instagram @theintuitivedesk. Or visit my site
www. theintuitivedesk.com to find out more.